


The Spi-der and the De-tec-tive

by ihnasarima



Category: CARROLL Lewis - Works, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, Reichenbach Feels, Rewrite, Spoilers, The Walrus and the Carpenter - Freeform, letsdrawsherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-13 19:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihnasarima/pseuds/ihnasarima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LetsDrawSherlock: Reimagining the Classics: Writey version</p><p>A Sherlockian version of “The Walrus and the Carpenter” by Lewis Carroll</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Spi-der and the De-tec-tive

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Walrus and the Carpenter](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/22565) by Lewis Carroll. 



> I love rewriting poems - did it for an English final in high school; thankfully the teacher was just as amused as I was.  
> Had a lot of fun with this project. (Scared myself with Moriarty, too) (but I'm a wuss)

Lestrade was watching o’er his town,  
Working with all his might:  
He did his very best to make  
His London safe at night—  
But he was not the only one  
Not seeing what’s in sight.

His Sergeant sneering sulkily,  
Because she thought the Freak  
Had got no business to be there  
Her secrets boldly leaked—  
“It is not right of him,” she said,  
“Too much past us he’d sneak.”

The roads as wet as wet could be,  
No pedestrians would try.  
You could not see the stars, because  
The clouds filled up the sky:  
No Network hid in alleys, damp,  
To struggle to stay dry.

The Spider and the Detective  
Were walking close at hand;  
They sighed like anything to see  
Such imbeciles of man:  
“If ordinary peasants died,”  
One said, “it would be grand!”

“If seven men with seven tanks  
Exploded half the town.  
Do you suppose,” the Spider said,  
“That they could burn it down?”  
“I doubt it,” said the Detective,  
And glared his bitter frown.

“O People, come and walk with us!”  
The Spider did beseech.  
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,  
Along the river’s beach:  
We shall regale you by the score.”  
He’d planned a tale for each.

Dear Molly Hooper looked at him,  
A small step up she took:  
Miss Molly Hooper played along  
And took another look—  
Meaning to say she did not choose  
The company of this crook.

But four reporters hurried up,  
All eager for the scoop:  
Their notepads clear, their pencils sharp,  
Intent to beat the group-  
Lament this well, because, you’ll note,  
They didn’t see the dupe.

Four more newspapers followed them,  
And yet another four;  
And thick and fast they came at last,  
Believers, more, and more-  
All fell into the stories deep,  
And clearly screamed “Encore!”

The Spider and the Detective  
Did set another round,  
With which they played another game  
Conveniently drowned:  
And even more dark threats they gave,  
Crumbs dropping on the ground.

“The time has come,” the Spider said,  
“To talk of many things:  
Of games - and keys - and fairy tales-  
Of chess masters - and kings-  
Of what the final problem is-  
And whether Holmes has wings.”

“But wait a bit,” the Writers cried,  
“We cannot write that fast;  
Your words are clear and ring with truth,  
We must not let this pass!”  
The Detective said “Obvious,”  
His talents now harassed.

“Some chaos here,” the Spider said,  
“That is my dearest aim:  
Some bombs and murderers besides  
The “Savior” to defame-  
Now if you’re ready, Detective,  
We can begin the game.”

“He can’t escape!” the Writers cried  
And none ran to his aid.  
“After such criminal intent,  
Repayment must be made!”  
The Spider grinned: unholy glee.  
And he did not dissuade.

“You talk big. Naah; you’re ordinary!  
And you are just like them!”  
The Detective said with a Look:  
“From angels I may stem:  
You really should not think so much  
That I am one of them!”

“It seems a shame,” the Spider said,  
“To keep this up my sleeve,  
After we’ve strung them all along,  
And made them all believe!”  
The Detective thought nothing but  
‘They must be seen to grieve.’

“Staying alive,” the Spider said:  
“My life is your way out.”  
With wild eyes and hidden gun  
Before he turned about,  
Pointed the gun at his own head:  
Spilled blood and startled shout.

“John. Stop there,” said the Detective,  
“Just do as I ask. Good.  
I researched you. It’s just a trick.  
Stay there, understood?  
I can’t have known it all like that—”  
But John believes: “You could.”

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks:
> 
> [Ariane DeVere’s transcript of TRF (part 4)](http://arianedevere.livejournal.com/31651.html) for dialogue reminders & quotes to manipulate for the last 4 stanzas.
> 
> My collection of sounding boards & writing assistants:  
> tergonis, msaether, forsciencejohn, theopoieses, 221bakingstreet, piratekender
> 
> Cross-posted on tumblr
> 
> AHHHHH someone made a lovely gifset of part of it! See it [here](http://thegreatbunnydetective.tumblr.com/post/112914566807/text-from-ihnasarima). Check it out, I'm so excited! It creeps me out just as much as writing that part did - oh man!


End file.
